Forgiveness Therapy
MY SPECIALTIESThe Forgiveness Therapy Story
Forgiveness Therapy was originally developed in the early 1980s by one of my professors and long-term mentors, Robert D. Enright, Ph.D.[1], after having what might be considered an epiphany about how little impact he was having in the field of psychology and helping people to heal.
So, he considered “forgiveness” as the area to research after meeting with his university’s librarian for several hours and discovering that psychological research on forgiveness was essentially non-existent. It took great courage to do what Dr. Enright did then, and even today.
After more than 35 years of peer-reviewed research on what is known as the Enright Forgiveness Process Model, including writing multiple self-help books, publishing two clinical textbooks, and speaking/teaching about forgiveness around the world, Dr. Enright made an official endorsement for one of his top students. [2]
Dr. Enright provided his official written endorsement of Gianna Elms, LCSW on November 11, 2022, which he wrote about how he regarded her as “the best Forgiveness Therapy clinician in the country” and that he believes “she is the most qualified to train other clinicians”, based on her experience treating and healing trauma, including complex trauma, and her results in being able to help even some of her first clients who decided not to engage in violence after only a few weeks and others experienced a significant relief of symptoms, which previously resulted in DSM diagnoses like anxiety and depression.
Forgiveness Therapy
Forgiveness Therapy, if it were to stand on its own, and were to be followed strictly based on the evidence-based model, originally developed by Robert D. Enright, Ph.D., involves four phases and several steps within each phase, for a total of 20-steps. [3]
However, Robert D. Enright, Ph.D. and Richard F. Fitzgibbons, M.D. are clear in their original textbook, Helping Clients Forgive: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope (2000) and the updated, retitled, second edition, Forgiveness Therapy: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope (2015), that while Forgiveness Therapy can stand on its own, most psychotherapists do not have to change their theoretical orientation in order to use it, including psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, and family and systems oriented psychotherapists, as some examples [4] [5]. Enright and Fitzgibbons acknowledge that some models do enough, but when “some of the best approaches don’t go far enough to reduce or even eliminate anger”, “especially when clients are mired in anger”, and “it may be at the top of the list for a new client, couple or family”, Forgiveness Therapy may be the answer. [6]
While Forgiveness Therapy can be interwoven into other theoretical orientations and Enright & Fitzgibbons offer guidance on how to do so, Forgiveness Therapy, according to Dr. Enright’s model, is different from any other therapy model that I’ve come across to-date, and I have definitely done a thorough investigation! Forgiveness Therapy is also in-line with the beliefs of many clients who come from or believe in monotheistic religions, including the Catholic faith, which is not something that I have found to be common amongst other therapy models, which are typically based in humanistic psychology, some form of ‘science’ without God, or ‘self-centering’ techniques. Enright and Fitzgibbons, who have been in this world longer than me, claim in their most recent clinical textbook, “There is no professional protocol other than forgiveness therapy, to our knowledge, that offers a systematic approach for dealing with the injustice and working through the anger to attain emotional health.” [7]
I discovered early on that forgiveness is central to healing trauma because I witnessed the powerful transformative effects come from within my clients when I tested out the model while completing my second Master’s degree. I witnessed some of my most angry clients begin to learn how to love in less than 12 weeks! Very early on, I said, “This seems pretty simple to me: REPLACE HATE WITH LOVE!”
Little did I know that I was onto something and what else I would discover over the next ten years!
Uncovering Phase
The first phase, uncovering, involves techniques to help you gain insight into the injustice(s), recognize that you have emotions related to the original injury and name the emotions, as well as helping you to gain insight into how the injustice(s) and subsequent injury may have compromised your life [9]. Due to the emotions involved and the potential interpretations about the original cause of your anger, you will likely experience a significant amount of what is known as transference. Your emotions can offer you motivation to use forgiveness; however these emotions can also lead to you terminating prematurely. [10]
Work Phase
The work phase is just like it sounds…hard work. This is where we will take time to help you understand the person who committed the offense(s) against you. I will use some cognitive techniques, which are intended to help you release your anger and be open to positive emotions towards the person who hurt you. [13] You may experience a significant amount of resistance and transference during this phase. [14]
Decision Phase
This is a time to learn about what forgiveness is and is not. In other words, I will take time to teach you the difference between forgiveness and commonly confused terms that often get in the way of being able to forgive. [11] “A decision to forgive is a cognitive process, not one in which forgiveness is completed.” [12] Once you make a commitment to forgive; it’s actually only the beginning and your commitment to forgive may actually need to be renewed at various times throughout the process.
It is not uncommon for people to think that they have forgiven because they “said so” or because they made a commitment to do so. The evidence that they still have anger is the fact that their symptoms continue to persist.
Deepening Phase
The work phase may shift you into the deepening phase by stimulating other thoughts. You may begin to start asking yourself a series of questions. “The answers may lead to recycling through the other phases, this time in a deeper, more insightful way. Figure 1.1 is a visual illustration of this cycling. Forgiving is a moving target.” [15] With forgiving being such a challenging process; it’s important that you have a great instructor who can guide you so that you don’t miss the opportunity to change the way your story ends.
After a decade of experience, specializing in Forgiveness Therapy, I’ve learned that it’s not only possible, but critical to heal the trauma brain so that people don’t have to continue to go through the recycling of the four phases of forgiving, each and every time a new offense or situation occurs, or even if they discover something new during the process, even if they get better at “forgiving”. I believe it’s more possible than what many in the medical and mental health field have said to-date. My adapted version of “Figure 1.1 Phases of forgiving” is not in conflict with what Enright & Fitzgibbons write as being possible based upon their research, which they suggest may occur over time as part of the “Deepening Phase”. The difference is that I’ve learned how to help my clients get to the place where they can forgive completely by learning how to love unconditionally, the first time, and even choose to maintain their “Forgiveness as a Subscription for Life” with 4Giveness+™.
This happened because I’ve learned how to identify the real cause of my clients’ anger, a complete understanding of forgiveness and trauma, including how particular theories and methods are compatible or incompatible with Forgiveness Therapy and the importance of spirituality for many of my clients. [17] [18] Clients who have been willing to persevere through the process of 4Giveness+™ have been able to do more than generalize what they learn to new situations, and they have been able to do it, even while the injury is occurring, no matter what happens to them. [19] I’ve had this success with even some of the most complex traumas.
With 4Giveness+™, it’s like reconnecting the parts of your unconscious, which connects to your heart and your soul because your body is what remembers the trauma and the pain. But the way to repair the “disconnects” and maintain the repairs where your unconscious got short-circuited, is like remembering to water and nurture a plant that almost withered away after it got stomped on one day. If you do the hard work now to tend to your anger and pain, you can help that part of you that was injured and choose to change the way your story ends. You can be like the branch that has healthy green leaves that can help you breathe and have a beautiful heart full of love to share with others. So, that no matter what anyone does to you, once you learn how to forgive and why we forgive, you will know that you can choose to replace your desire to hate with your desire to love.
There are some critical parts though, which I have learned. While it can be hard at times, especially because we will be working hard to break you free from a prison that only you hold the keys. Sometimes, it just feels comfortable, and people decide that they don’t want to go back to the real cause of their anger and pain. It seems easier than to deal with the pain, even with the hope that you will be free. You will need to decide what you want more.
Is Forgiveness the New “F” Word?
I think so. The world has changed so much, even though I’ve experienced a lot in my young life, there was a time where it was unacceptable to say the “F” word. I think it’s still socially unacceptable in many settings to say the “F” word. But to speak about morality, which forgiveness and love are centered in morality, it’s almost more offensive to many than saying the “F” word. I think that’s because what it means to be good and to do good has changed from a cultural point of view. It’s been rumored that morals, ethics, and the law used to be synonymous. The fact is, even though we may disagree on what is true, there can only be one truth.
Forgiveness is a gift that you freely give to another person who has caused harm to you. Forgiveness may be the new “F” word, but it’s my favorite! If it follows the same trend as the last one, then I picked the right one to replace a “bad habit” that too many of us learned from others who also had unresolved anger. [20]
NOTES
[1] Robert D. Enright, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist; tenured Aristotelian professor in Forgiveness Science within the Department of Educational Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison; the founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, a 501(c)3 not-for-profit corporation based in Madison, Wisconsin; and recipient of the 2022 American Psychological Foundation Gold Medal Award for Impact in Psychology. He is regarded as “the Father of Forgiveness Therapy”, credited as “the Father of Forgiveness Therapy research”, and Time magazine called him “the forgiveness trailblazer”. Dr. Enright’s role in teaching me about Forgiveness Therapy included his self-help books and clinical textbooks (co-author is Richard F. Fitzgibbons, M.D.); published research; role as the faculty member for the APA accredited certificate program in Forgiveness Therapy, which was known at that time of my completion as Helping Clients Forgive; and mentorship as I became “the most inquisitive and passionate learner” of his model, while working with my clients.
[2] The course that I completed through the International Forgiveness Institute was accredited by the American Psychological Association (APA) from 2009-2020. I achieved the highest score on record prior to the course’s revision in 2016 due to the APA’s requirements as part of the implementation of the new textbook, which I familiarized myself in its entirety immediately upon publication.
[3] Enright & Fitzgibbons teach that forgiveness is not a linear process, rather it is cyclical and developmental. They also teach that not everyone has to go through all of the steps as part of their participation in Forgiveness Therapy. As a matter of fact, some people already know the definition of forgiveness and are committed to the process, whereas others may already have a good sense and understanding about why they are angry and why they do what they do, but they are not ready to release their anger and resentment towards a person. For this reason, there are no set timelines for forgiveness. It also explains why it requires a knowledgeable and skilled clinician who understands the depths of the conscious and unconscious thought processes, as well as forgiveness, and how to work with transference and cultural issues, including spirituality (e.g., religious beliefs), in order to experience complete forgiveness and the benefits of what I call 4Giveness+.
[4] Enright, R. D. & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope.American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/10381-000
[5] Enright, R. D. & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000
[6] Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness Therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000
[7] Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness Therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000
[8] Copyright © 2015 by American Psychological Association. Reproduced with permission. The official that should be used in referencing this material is [“Figure 1.1” from Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000]. No further reproduction or distribution is permitted without written permission from the American Psychological Association.
[9] Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000
[10] Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D. does a fantastic job of explaining termination in psychotherapy on his website, so I have elected not to go into detail here. Recommended reading: Richmond, R. (1997-2022). Termination of Psychotherapy. A Guide to Psychology and its Practices. Last retrieved on January 29, 2023, from https://www.guidetopsychology.com/termin.htm
[11] Reconciliation is perhaps the most commonly confused term, which Dr. Enright explains well in Chapter 15 of his original self-help book. Recommended reading: Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope by, Robert D. Enright, Ph.D. Available for purchase on Amazon: https://a.co/d/359pj2n
[12]Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000
[13] While cognitive techniques are used in Forgiveness Therapy, it should not be confused with cognitive therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), or trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT). It should be noted that Aaron Beck, who is regarded as “the Father of Cognitive Therapy” and “the Father of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy”, which dramatically changed how psychotherapy is done today, highly endorsed Forgiveness Therapy when the first clinical textbook was published. “Anger and the wish to punish a family member or friend for past grievances often remain resistant to even the most useful cognitive-behavioral approaches. In this volume, Enright and Fitzgibbons show how forgiveness can help to finalize past resentment and allow people to lay their past grievances to rest. This is essential reading for anyone working with patients, as well as for those people who cannot relinquish past hurts. – Aaron T. Beck, MD, University Professor of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia.” Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/10381-000
[14] Recommended reading. To learn more about transference and resistance (includes notes at bottom of webpage): Richmond, R. (1997-2022). Types of Psychological Treatment: Some Common Elements of Psychoanalysis and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy. A Guide to Psychology and its Practice. Last retrieved on January 29, 2023, from https://www.guidetopsychology.com/txtypes.htm#common
[15] Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000
[16] Copyright © 2015 by American Psychological Association. Reproduced and adapted with permission. The official that should be used in referencing this material is [“Figure 1.1” from Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. F. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/14526-000]. No further reproduction or distribution is permitted without written permission from the American Psychological Association.
[17] Part of my training in learning about psychological trauma, unconscious anger, and forgiveness was also derived from studying the writings of Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D. for more than eight years. I also received one-on-one training from Dr. Richmond for a period of six years, which I used this time to analyze his techniques, beliefs, and gain greater insight about transference. I became more effective as a clinician as a result, including how I gained confidence in what I understood intuitively about psychotherapy, trauma, and healing. I credit my training from Dr. Richmond and my other studies related to Psychoanalytic Thought to being able to identify the real cause of my clients’ unconscious anger and “hit that forgiveness target” with more precision than other clinicians who have studied the research and writings on Forgiveness Therapy by, Enright & Fitzgibbons.
[18] It should be noted that Jacques Lacan compared the unconscious to a labyrinth and that Enright & Fitzgibbons compare forgiveness to a maze. Enright & Fitzgibbons also believe in the importance of journaling in the process of forgiving, which is one way that we can reveal the unconscious, symbolically, through language. However, not every client is able to journal in the traditional sense of the word. This may be due to a physical or cognitive disability, vision impairment, including blindness, or even unconscious anger at his or her mother, which can manifest itself as ‘writer’s block’, as some examples of what I’ve witnessed as a clinician and have found ways to adapt and overcome to help my clients heal.
[19] Elms, G. (2022). Forgiveness therapy and getting past unconscious resistances. International Forgiveness Institute. Last retrieved on January 29, 2023, from https://internationalforgiveness.com/2022/01/23/forgiveness-therapy-and-getting-past-unconscious-resistances/
[20] Some other commonly confused words are condoning and excusing. Don’t misunderstand what I mean by suggesting that I hope forgiveness follows the same trend as the last “F” word. I hope that people actually learn the real meaning of forgiveness and stop throwing the word around as if they know what it means, when they really don’t. I say that not out of pride, rather with a humble heart. It took me a lot of years, hard work, and money to gain the knowledge and wisdom that I have now, which is why I am sharing it with you. It was only by the grace of God that I was able to know, understand, and believe that forgiveness was what we need to end generational trauma and save souls.
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